


(I Don't Want To) Crash And Burn

by TwistedToxic



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drugged Character, Everyone is probably ooc I'm sorry, Gen, I make my boys suffer, I swear this will have a happy ending, I tried not to make this shippy but I failed pretty badly at that, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Somewhat graphic drug use, Suicide Attempt, That's up to you my dudes, This can either be platonic or romantic, This had a plot but it kind of became dialogue, Unbeta'd because I have no friends lmao, Unedited I die like Jason Todd, but it was in the past, drug relapse, more so in chapter 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:20:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24251968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwistedToxic/pseuds/TwistedToxic
Summary: 'You promised.' He mentally reprimanded himself, and that was the only reason these scumbags were still alive. Everyone had scattered once they saw the Red Hood and Arsenal. They all currently lay outside tied up and bleeding from - probably - nonfatal injuries. He was more concerned about Roy than the three men. Not like they could get out unless they could crawl all the way to the other end and apply pressure on their injuries to try and open the door."Hey, come on, stay awake. I'm gonna get you out of here soon, okay?" Jason's voice was much softer. He didn't know what state Roy's headspace was in so it was his best bet to use his 'comforting a scared kid' voice."'M not child." Roy slurred, glassy eyes trying to focus, but they couldn't. Jason was no doctor, but he could at least assess his symptoms to get a few ideas on what was in Roy's system.The fic where Roy ends up getting drugged on a mission, he spirals, and everyone is kinda sad.
Relationships: Roy Harper & Jason Todd, Roy Harper/Jason Todd
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	(I Don't Want To) Crash And Burn

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! This is my first fic on here (and my first Batman fic) and I'm pretty excited to share it (and pretty nervous, I won't lie) but first of all, this fic has pretty strong implications of JayRoy, but it can also just be read in a platonic but very close way if JayRoy isn't your cup of tea! I think, hahaha.
> 
> This was based on an anon I found on someone's Tumblr (I'm not actually tagging them or saying it since I don't want to feel weird, haha but I totally will add their Tumblr if they ask! I'm just very shy and was originally pumped to show them, then I got to thinking about it and 'oh no, what if they hate it and by extension, hate me???'), and I decided to write it! I also kind of threw in an anon mentioning hearing aids, but I'm not a doctor, so take the drug jargon and pretty much anything medical in here with a grain of salt since I don't know anything! I researched it then just hoped for the best, tbh.
> 
> Despite stating this in the tags (please tell me if I missed any!), this fic gets into pretty heavy subjects such as drugging, somewhat graphic depictions of reactions to drugs, past childhood prostitution implications and childhood sexual abuse, pretty strongly implied suicide attempt (it could be an accidental overdose, but my idea was a suicide attempt and regretted halfway through), relapses into past drug addiction, and pretty copious amounts of the word 'fuck' (I mean, it's Jason). I also added Rape/Non-con and Underage just to be safe even thought it's not current, but is pretty much strongly implied it happened.
> 
> I really hope you guys enjoy this and I can figure this stuff out as I go along! This is also probably going to be pretty shitty, I'm so sorry (I swear I read the comics, it's just that my brain says no when I try and write them how they're supposed to be and there's too many writers writing different things, so I get confused)!

No. No, no, no, no, no!!! This wasn't supposed to happen! It started as a simple mission, how did it end up like this? Jason looked at Roy, who seemed to be completely dissociated on the floor of the warehouse. It was a drug bust, and now Roy was in the throes of panic, and nothingness. What in the hell did he get dosed with, anyways? He looked around at the three men on the floor moaning in pain.

_'You promised.'_ He mentally reprimanded himself, and that was the only reason these scumbags were still alive. Everyone had scattered once they saw the Red Hood and Arsenal. They all currently lay outside tied up and bleeding from - _probably_ \- nonfatal injuries. He was more concerned about Roy than the three men. Not like they could get out unless they could crawl all the way to the other end and apply pressure on their injuries to try and open the door.

"Hey, come on, stay awake. I'm gonna get you out of here soon, okay?" Jason's voice was much softer. He didn't know what state Roy's headspace was in so it was his best bet to use his 'comforting a scared kid' voice.

"'M not child." Roy slurred, glassy eyes trying to focus, but they couldn't. Jason was no doctor, but he could at least assess his symptoms to get a few ideas on what was in Roy's system. Many drugs didn't cause a dissociation, so that narrowed it down a little bit. "Can you move at all?" He asked, looking over Roy.

"Hey, did you hear me?" He repeated. He's dealt with Roy high before. On heroin, marijuana, and one incident where Roy somehow got ahold of psilocybin mushrooms. That shroom trip was... _Not_ fun, to say the least. Tired as hell... Panic attack. Tired as hell... Panic attack. Rinse and repeat for the next six hours, except for that one 20 minute freak out about spiders under his skin. Roy didn't even respond. He opened his mouth but a soundless whine came from him. Okay, this definitely wasn't a drug he'd taken before. Shrooms was panic - he might react differently a second time around, but Jason ensured of no second time. Weed was either spaced the fuck out and getting the munchies like hell, or chugging water while having a panic attack with no in between there. He shuddered. Heroin made him drowsy, giggly, and later moody, sick, and he got pretty scratchy with his skin as he spiraled further.

Okay, so he was unresponsive for the most part, and Jason tried to check for signs of overdose. Jason put two fingers to his neck, feeling his pulse. Tachycardia, but no clammy skin, no seizures, no agitation - albeit that could be due to unresponsiveness. He looked at his mouth. No vomiting, no signs of nausea, but he was drooling like hell. Jason would laugh and call him the world's grossest waterfall in any other circumstance. Glazy eyes, kept shifting from here, there, and right back again. He pinched him, and all Roy gave was an incomprehensible murmur. He could ask the dealers again, except shoot them again and demand what they gave him. 'Okay, so we're doing this now.' He thought to himself, his steps flowing with ease to the men who were currently trying to crawl away.

_BLAM!_

The man let out an agonized scream as the gunshot echoed in the warehouse. "So, we're gonna do this a bit differently. The first one to tell me what you fuckers gave him gets to keep their other kneecap." He waved the gun at the man he shot. "Unless you want to end up like him." Silence persisted. He shrugged, taking aim. "Well, if you insist."

_BLAM!_

The third man shook his head as he stared at Jason's helmet. The Red Hood didn't fuck around. "I'll talk, man! Just don't shoot me too!" He pleaded. "We gave him Special K!" Jason's smug grin instantly turned into a scowl. Thank god for the helmet.

"You gave him a date rape drug?" He had to bite back the snarl that threatened to escape his lips and fight the whole body shudder as he pushed down the memory of that scared little boy in the alley doing whatever he could to get by. That boy was dead. He stayed in that warehouse where the Joker killed him. "That what you're selling, too?" It sounded like a question, but anybody who knew how the Red Hood worked knew it was an order.

"Y-Yeah." The man stuttered out, nodding.

"Thank you." Jason said. It wasn't genuine, because his voice may have said it, but the words dripped _'you fucking disgust me'_. The men didn't have time to react before the three gunshots echoed like thunder. Jason mentally groaned. He was going to be ripped a new one by Bruce and Dick would be so disappointed in- Wait, fuck that, and if they couldn't understand he did it both for Roy and god knows how many people if the deal actually went down, then fuck them. He needed to get rid of the bodies though. That would look suspicious as hell. He dragged them to the dumpster, grabbing a few trash bags then throwing them over the bodies. Just like his first kill, except he threw his body in the harbor. Bruce thought he started killing when he came back - aside from Garzonas, but... It was before he was Robin anyways so Bruce had no right to lecture him about that, he reasoned. He came back to Roy who he placed at the door when he took the bodies away. Still out of it, occasionally mumbling to himself. "Come on, Roytoy," he grunted as he hoisted him over his shoulder. "Let's get you to Doctor Thompkins just to make damn sure those idiots didn't overdose you."

* * *

Ugh, what the fuck happened last night? Roy looked around, seeing he was in bed. What happened last night? He already asked himself that. He looked at the décor and sighed in relief. One of Jason's safehouses. When did he get here? The last thing he needed was to pass out in some stranger's apartment with no memory of how he got there. It was just like when he got high on... Oh no. He tried to calm himself. He doesn't know for sure what happened. It could have just been a very long night. Jason came in and his eyes instantly lit up with something that looked like relief.

"You're gay." Roy snorted.

"No, you. How are you feeling, Roy?" He asked. Okay, yeah, what the actual _fuck_ happened last night.

"I'm pretty tired, and I might throw up." Roy finished with a slight grumble. "What happened last night?"

Fuck. That was the last question Jason wanted him to ask.

"We got a tip in on a drug deal going down. We took the mission, and the drugs, as well as the dealers, were taken care of. However, it went a..." He hesitated. He know Roy would be crushed, he was doing so well lately. He couldn't lie to him either, and it wasn't like Roy did this of his own volition. "It went a bit sideways."

Roy immediately sat up, a slight irritation in his voice when he spoke. He knew Jason was stalling and hesitating. He loved his Jaybird but he fucking hated it when he did this. "What the fuck happened to me last night, Jay?" Jason drew in a deep breath and sighed it out as heavily as his inhale.

"You were drugged last night, Roy. Ketamine. I took you to Leslie to make sure you'd be okay." He hated saying it. He hated even thinking about it. His Roy was drugged??? "It wasn't your fault." Jason approached him, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, but it awkward and hollow. It felt meaningless and empty to him. Roy flinched away from the touch, taking a fistful of red locks in his hands.

"Fuck, Jaybird. I was doing so well. Then... Then this shit happens?" He asked. He looked like he was contemplating screaming or crying. It hurt Jason to see Roy like this.

"Hey. It's not your fault, Roy. I know you, and I know how you're trying to recover. Nobody will be upset, nobody will blame you. If they do, you have me to kick their ass, or you can kick their ass." Roy couldn't help but chuckle. Jason could be such an idiot sometimes. He looked at him.

He didn't believe a damn word of it. He should have known. He should have been paying more attention. He should have- He should have realized he's going over this in his head and leaving Jason in silence.

"Thanks, Jaybird. I just... I need to be alone right now. I need some time to think, okay?" Jason nodded. He didn't know how Roy felt right now so he thought it would be best to give him space.

"Yeah, but let me know if you need anything. I don't want you to get hurt." Roy's eyes narrowed into a glare. That could not have possibly been worded any worse, given Roy's emotional state.

"You think that I'm gonna hurt myself just because I want to be alone? What the fuck, Jason?!" Jason bit his lip as he tried to think of his next words very carefully.

"No, I meant that you're still probably very disoriented and I don't want you to-"

"Just _go_ , Jason. I'll be _fine_." Jason winced, feeling the way Roy all but spit venom at him with his tone. Jason walked away from his room with a sigh.

* * *

It'd been two weeks since Jason and Roy had their sort of argument, and his worry for Roy grew as the days passed. He was getting moodier with him and he didn't talk to him much. Then he'd shut him out when Jason tried to reach out to him. He hasn't seen him in six days when he and Jason got into a much more... Heated argument, which ended with Roy shoving Jason and telling him to fuck off back to Crime Alley. That stung, mostly because it came from the one person he thought wouldn't say that to him.

Jason perked up, hearing a muted sound. It was 4 AM, he was certain. Was he having a vivid nightmare again? No, this sounded too hushed to be the Joker's cackling laughter, or Mr. Johnson's - or as Jason called him: _Sir's_ voice. This sounded like crying. He reached around on the nightstand to grab his hearing aids, turning them up until he could very clearly make out the sound. They sure as hell were quiet. He could hear the sobbing now: Male, and... Sounded like Roy? He stood up, turning his hearing aids back down to their normal setting before he went into the hall. He heard some clattering and a thump. _Shit_ , he knew he was awake, didn't he? He looked in the bathroom, seeing a bit of vomit on the floor but there was nobody there but his reflection in the mirror.

A few more weeks went by, and he occasionally heard sobbing in his safehouse. Sometimes he found vomit, and sometimes it was nothing at all out of place except the smallest thing. Sometimes he'd go to bed and dream that Roy was still with him, talking, laughing, holding Roy in his arms... Then he'd wake up alone. No matter how many times he called or texted, an answer never came. He'd never admit it to anybody, but sometimes his eyes would get a little wet when he thought about Roy, or woke up alone.

He gets a call: _Gotham Hospital_. Apparently, Roy was brought in that morning - he'd been in Gotham this whole time, he thought, and Jason was the emergency contact. He was listed as 'Jason Harper'. It sounded pretty nice to his ears, actually. He nodded, confirming himself as Jason Harper and listening to what they told him. He almost dropped the phone. Oh god, no... _No..._ He swallowed. He knew he heard it right, but he couldn't believe it.

"Can you repeat that?" He asked, voice wavering as tears pricked his eyes. He nodded. "I'll be there in ten." His heart was pounding so much he thought it would leap out of his throat. He hopped on his motorcycle and sped down any and all abandoned roads he could take to the hospital without being pulled over by a cop.

He got to the room and instantly fell to his knees at his bedside. He couldn't stop crying. Roy almost died. Roy almost died and he did nothing. He tried to reach out so many times... He should have checked on him. Should've found him and stopped him. He felt the fat, hot tears roll down his cheeks as he could only let out broken sobs. His hand trembled as he reached for Roy's still one.

"Shit Roy. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry. I'm too late." God, it hurt just saying this. It hurt standing here at his bedside, thinking of the other 'What if'. What if nobody found Roy, and the last time he saw Roy was when Roy told him to fuck off? What if Roy died? Would he have been scared like Jason was? Roy would have been alone as he wasted away, and Jason may have never known. He'd never hear Roy's laugh again or criticize his terrible taste in hats. Jason offered Roy's hand a gentle squeeze. That pain was replaced with an anger. That anger born of worry, and Roy scared him _shitless_ to put it kindly. "You can't die, Roy. You're too stubborn. I know you've done shit, and said shit, and so have I. I love you Roy, and you've been through so fucking much. You're so fucking strong, Roy. Life kicked you down and you spat it its face and laughed. I know you can come back from this, Roy, but you have to want to." He pulled away and sat down in the chair, waiting. The time would kill him.

* * *

Jason was snapped out of his slumber when a weak chuckle erupted from the redhead. Wheezy, tired, and muted. Jason considered the muted part was probably because the hearing aids died. "Bold of you to say I'm the stronger one at life, Jay. You literally died. Besides, you wouldn't want me to haunt your ass anyways." Jason wanted to yell this was no time for jokes because he was out for five days and he had a mandatory three day psychiatric hold, but if it made him feel better, it made him feel better. Jason choked and stood up when he heard him.

"Roy!" He pulled him into his arms while Roy winced at the IV in his arm.

"Who else would I be?" He asked, looking at Jason with one of his trademarked stupid grins.

"I was so fucking scared, Roy... I just kept thinking about what if you didn't make it."

"Like you said, Jay. I'm way too stubborn to die." Jason flustered a little. Apparently Roy had heard that. Just great.

"Um... I-" Jason almost smacked the blush off his face. "Dick came to visit you."

"How is he holding up?" Roy asked, before he heard the knocking on the door. Jason vaguely turned his head in that direction.

"Well, you can ask him yourself, Roy. He stole my idea of visiting you every day." Jason grumbled, but his words had no real bite to them.

"Come in!" Roy called out, and Dick stepped into the room and pulled his brother and his friend into a hug. "How are you? You know, because of this?" Dick looked appalled that Roy asked such a thing.

"You're worried about me? You're the one in the hospital bed, Roy!" Dick shouted. This wasn't the time to get angry, but Dick wanted to worry about Roy first, and Jason first, and Bruce first, and everyone else, before himself. He took a small breath to calm himself. Roy didn't seem to be fazed.

"I know, Dick. I'm fine and awake now. How are you feeling?" He looked at Dick, as if daring him to lie to him. Dick heaved out a sigh.

"I've been fine." He said, before Roy looked at him, and then to Jason, who both looked pissed but trying to keep from bursting into laughter. Dick glared at his brother and stepped away from the side Jason was on.

"Are you really fine, Dick?"

"I'm not Lian, you know?"

"That doesn't answer the question." Jason decided to pipe in.

"Dickhead, I know you, and Roy has become an expert in emotionally wearing you down until you confess how you feel. He picked it up from you, so just tell him the truth."

"Scared as hell, Roy. That's really all I can say. Seeing Jason having a breakdown didn't help anything either. I'm glad you're okay."

"I am too. I am too, Dick."

It took a little bit for anybody to say anything again, but they all just took in the silence of the room. Jason groaned. Fuck, he left his charger at home in his haste to get to Roy and he didn't charge his hearing aids because he passed out the second he hit the bed.

"Are you okay?" Dick asked.

"Don't worry, Dickhead, I just left the charger for my hearing aids at home. It just sounds like you're whispering." Jason said with a grin. He remembered all the times he turned down his hearing aids when someone tried to talk to him. A second silence ensued, but it was much shorter.

"I'm sorry." Both Dick and Jason looked incredulous. "I shouldn't have put you through this shit. I should've just fucking answered you when you reached out, Jaybird. I shouldn't have blown you off, Dick, you were worried..." Roy sighed. "I fucked up my recovery, you guys. I was doing _well_ , and I fucked it up again."

"I get it Roy, but don't feel sorry for yourself. You fucked up. Join the other billions of people who have, Roy. I've fucked up. Dick's fucked up." He said whilst making some vague hand waving gesture. "Point is, this shit won't be the end of your recovery unless you decide it will be."

"Recovery isn't linear, Roy. It can have ups and downs. This, sure, it's a setback, but it doesn't mean you're a lost cause." Dick finished. Roy couldn't help but crack a little smile.

"You two really are like brothers. You finish each other's thoughts." Dick beamed at the statement while Jason glared at Roy.

"Roy William Harper, I will murder you in your sleep."

"I love you too, Jaybird." Their little pep talk helped him feel a little better, but it'd take more than kind words to crawl back out of this deep and seemingly endless hole. A simple _'I believe in you'_ wouldn't cut it. "Thank you guys."

"For what?" Dick looked confused.

"For believing in me."

"That's cheesy as hell, Roytoy, but I'd do it anytime, so long as you don't get sappy on me again." Jason's done this before and he'd do it a thousand times over again. He knew that he'd have to believe in Roy for the both of them all over again, but he'd do that for Roy, just to see him get better and smile again. Honestly, Jason would do anything for Roy.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that wasn't too bad for a first Bat fanfic! Constructive criticism is welcome, but please don't be mean for the sake of being mean! I'm trying. Also, I don't know if the onomatopoeia usage fit so let me know if you like it, or if I just shouldn't bother with it in the future.
> 
> Also, I don't know if ketamine really is a drug for that but multiple sources said it was?
> 
> Is it obvious this was a fic that was the result of an all nighter mixed with 2 hours of formatting? Does it show?
> 
> Fair warning, chapter 2 will have semi graphic drug usage (both during his time away from Jason and trying to recover again) (it's sad at first but it's got a happy ending, I promise), when I get around to writing it. Hopefully it'll be done in a few days!


End file.
